Wake Up Call

The story I am about to present to you may change your life if you are spiritually ready to receive it.

I talk a lot on this blog about the power of our thoughts, our connection to Spirit, and the impact they have on our health. This blog post is going to illustrate my point in a way that only sharing a personal experience can.

About two months ago the store where I was buying my Essiac decided to no longer carry it in stock. For those who are unfamiliar with my reliance on Essiac (among other things) for keeping me healthy, and for those who might doubt it's true significance in my life, I want to tell you that when I heard the news from the store employee that I could not purchase it there anymore - I cried. Yes, I cried instantly, tears actively streaming down my face, right there in the store. My reaction surprised my husband and the store employee, but not me. I mean here was the one thing that, in my mind, I absolutely depended on - and now I could not get it. It is nowhere to be found in any physical store in my area. Even if I had to stop taking the 15 other supplements I ingest daily I wouldn't really care that much - as long as I had my Essiac. It was a dreadful feeling and my emotions at that moment overcame me. After I realized how ridiculous I must look to those around me my senses began to return. Well of course silly....I can get it online! Whew. Breathe.

Now here's where the story gets interesting. I've been working 12 to 16 hours every day working to build my business. I have been living, breathing, sleeping, and eating (well...not the way I should be) everything related to this start-up. Have I thought about my diet? No. Have I been getting restful sleep every night? No, not really. Have I pushed myself to the point of being completely drained? Yes. And.....did I remember to order my Essiac? Um..no. That's how busy I am.

One week turned into two, which turned into four, which turned into eight. I began to notice that one of my legs and one of my arms began feeling as if they were falling asleep. Sometimes they would both tingle at the same time, but usually it was an alternating sensation, until it finally became just my one leg. And it didn't come and go. It lasted day after day. And night after night. And it kept me awake and it kept me aware that there was something new going on with my body. And....I began to become obsessed with thoughts about it because I was being physically reminded of a problem that I was trying to forget about. But it would not let me forget. To make matters worse I began thinking that I could be experiencing the beginning symptoms of MS. This thought really lodged itself in my brain and took me for a ride on the "crazy train" for a while. To be honest, the thought of having MS frightens me. I think this is because it is forever connected to my experience of my initial diagnosis. When the doctors did not know what I really had, they theorized it could be MS or early Parkinson's. Their ideas struck fear into the heart of me like never before. I wrote a blog post about it way back when called Inner Dialogue: Fear. And now after learning everything I know about autoimmune disease, I know that being diagnosed with one can easily lead to having others. So now that I'm thinking about it...it's not having MS that frightens me, it's having to start a whole new battle against something else (possibly nerve damage), and then maybe years from now something else, and on and on. And so goes the life of someone with a chronic autoimmune illness.

I recently was reading a book which hypothesized that there really are only two emotions: fear and love. Every other emotion we feel can be narrowed down to those two. So I got the idea in my head that if I don't want to experience fear, then I need to concentrate on love. And I thought about it. I mentally and emotionally stepped back from my life and took a good hard look at what had been going on. There is a chapter in my book where I talk about focusing on yourself for your health. I had to learn to put myself first, as difficult as that seemed. I needed to show myself love. And what I saw when I looked at my life recently was someone who had lost focus. All of my attention (my thoughts and intentions) had shifted to building a business instead of loving myself enough to maintain a healthy life balance. I didn't feel good, I didn't look good, but I was getting an enormous amount of work done. Way out of balance. My leg was asleep all the time and it was time for me to wake up, pay attention, and do something about it.

The first thing I did was head to the beach. It's one of my happy places. This time of year the weather is warm but the beaches are empty (and free) because the summer is over. I walked down to the dry sand at the edge of the water and laid down. I felt the need to be connected to the ground (plus I was exhausted). My head, shoulders, back, arms, rear end, and the bottoms of my feet were all in contact with the sand. It just felt really good to lay there with my eyes closed, feeling the sand, listening to the waves, smelling the air, feeling the wind blow my hair across my face. I concentrated on emptying my mind of all my worries. I imagined being surrounded by a field of energy that wanted to protect and love me. I poured my heart out to this invisible security blanket. Then I made a request, "Please take this from me." Then came a declaration, "I am giving this away." Then an affirmation, "I am healthy and loved and surrounded by all things positive." And finally a gesture of gratitude, "Thank you." It was actually quite longer than that, this silent conversation I had with the waves, but those are the highlights. My spirit was uplifted and my mind was relieved. I immediately went home and ordered my Essiac online. I would be lying to you if I said my symptoms miraculously disappeared that day. They didn't. They did, however, disappear before my Essiac arrived.

I placed an SOS call to Spirit. I woke up that day, and my leg...well, that woke up three days later.

I am now back on the Essiac, taking all of my supplements, eating, and sleeping, and I have not experienced any more of these symptoms. I don't know what they were and, frankly, I don't want to give them any power so I don't think about them. I gave them away. They served their purpose and now they are gone.